he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There r osticjed everywhere
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
