Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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