alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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