we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
