you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your penis caused this!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
