just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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