No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
