I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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