bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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