Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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