i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
