No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
