we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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