I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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