I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
A+ Viking dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
