At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
