two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
