I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
