Just fell off a train. Bad.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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