the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize