went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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