Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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