Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
