right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The power of my boobs compel you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Couch. On fire.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
