I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
