p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
