Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
