Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
