woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
