I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
