She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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