just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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