did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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