someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
