so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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