found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
