why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
