She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
