I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
PANTIES FOUND
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
