Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
