OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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