I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
