then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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