I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
