i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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