I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
