shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
