My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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