I have demons in me.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
