Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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