Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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