I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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