Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My vagina just recognized that song.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
