That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
