Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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