My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Welp...herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
