ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
