FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
