We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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