Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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